How Children can Learn Respect for God and Others at the Table

My Dad used to say to us kids (in support of my mom who cooked the meals), “You kids have two choices for dinner this evening: Take it or Leave it."

If we chose to “leave it”, we didn’t eat anything till the next meal was served. No snacking allowed! If we chose to “take it”, that meant that we ate everything on our plates. I don’t remember ever choosing the menu option to “leave it”.

Sitting at the table daily with my dad and mom, older sister and younger brother (yes, I was a middle child), profoundly influenced me for good.

One of the most important things I learned at the table was respect for God, for the various people and their functions in the family, as well as respect for the family unit in general. Eating family meals together taught me:

Respect for my mom who prepared three meals every day. Lunches were packed daily for Dad to eat at work and for us kids to eat at school. Breakfast and supper were eaten at the table. Now that I prepare meals for my own family and realize what hard work it is just to get good food put on the table, I stand in awe of my mom who committed to serve her family in this very basic but extremely important way. (Learn here how we can serve our husbands and children by providing nourishing meals as did my mom.)

Respect for my dad who went to work every day to bring home "the bacon" and insisted that we all spend time eating that bacon together around the table. My father had some priorities as the head of the home and seeing that we all came together for meals was one. He knew that it was important that we connect with one another and also that we commune with one another. He understood the value of family "community". He was a wise man and I thank God that he was my earthly father.

Respect for the way things were done in our home for the well-being of all in our family. I learned that a family functions together. My dad, a Christian man, was committed to leading the family, even in this seemingly minor way. He grew up on a farm and knew the importance of real food, ie, eggs for breakfast rather than sugary sweet breakfast cereals, etc. As a Christian husband, he took the lead in this and my mom, being his complimentary counterpart, made the meals happen three times each day, every day. They functioned like a left hand helping the right more dominant hand. The example of how a husband and wife can work together in the home was lived out daily for me.

Respect for the food itself, as it was real, nourishing and was provided by God’s creative and loving hand. I learned that one of the first gifts God gave to Adam and Eve was food - delicious, nutritious food. Food is God's love made edible. He gave plant foods to man in the garden of Eden before man chose to disregard God's one directive. Later, after the flood, God also added animal foods to man's diet. This is what real food is and this is what we ate every day at the table. 

Respect and gratitude toward God for having provided for us. We never went hungry, though occasionally we ate a meager but filling meal of beans, etc. However, Mom always made it seem like a meal fit for a king as she worked her magic in the kitchen turning even that meager meal into a delicious gift to her husband and children.

Respect for the health of my own body and the health of my future children. That may sound a little strange. But again, my dad had his priorities and he was wise. One of the reasons we always had breakfast around the table was Dad wanted us to start out the day by being nourished so that we would have the nutrients needed to excel in body and mind. He would tell us that it was important for our health individually and for the health of the next generation, "What you eat now will have an impact on the health of your children in the future." And he was right. (Link here to read an article about this.)

How I’d love to see families cooperating like this again. I fear that this simple, slow-paced, thoughtful way of living has been hijacked by the almighty dollar and a general busyness that is ultimately unproductive. It saddens me that we may never recover such wise and skilled parenting.

Thank you, Dad and Mom! I’m so glad that you taught me to respect others at the table. And I’m so thankful that there were only two options on the menu for each meal. Your hard work and dedication will never be forgotten.

Posted by Sharon Kaufman

How Children can Learn Respect for God and Others at the Table

on April 21, 2021 0 comments

Feminism and the Christian Woman

Concerning feminism's attempt to bring fulfillment and lasting happiness to women, Mary Kassian says it well in this video.

As a woman of more than sixty years now, I can remember (did I actually say that I can remember something?!) - yes, I remember - when the big push for feminism first made its case to women in the early 1970s. Even as woman who had not yet embraced Jesus Christ, I knew it was wrong.

Women began throwing off all restraints and boundaries -  bra burnings (bras were seen as an icon of restriction and conformity), bitterness toward men manifested outwardly, refusals to stay at home any longer with their children, resentment toward the traditional role of man leading and woman helping, a despising (that word is not at all too strong) of the menial work they did in the home (changing diapers, washing dishes, mopping floors), etc. This was an amazing time!

The only way I can explain the fact that I did not get caught up in this movement is the grace of God. He kept me from it. Later He saved me. But, the sad truth of the feminist movement is that most women, many of whom were my own college friends, were duped into believing something that was entirely false. They began to shape their worlds based on the lies of feminism. As a result, many women gave up marriage and/or motherhood or waited until it was too late to have children. Even some of the most outspoken feminists from that time have now issued statements about their own ruined, bereft lives and the insatiable longings for mothering that persist till this day - longings that can never be satisfied.

God created woman and gave her innate desires and gifts. The greatest of these inner longings is for Christ. Until she has a soul-deep relationship with Him, she will never find the fulfillment she yearns for in this life. When she does embrace Jesus, and when He, in His great compassion and love, becomes her Lord, rather than empowering a world gone crazy to have that authority over her, she will happily receive His gift of womanhood for her.

Enough from me. Watch this video. And here is a link to what I believe is the very best resource for Biblical womanhood on the internet - Nancy Leigh DeMoss.

Posted by Sharon Kaufman

Feminism and the Christian Woman

on September 17, 2010 0 comments

Woman is Helper - Three Facets of the Woman's Role as Helper

Aiding by Complementing Godly Male Leadership - Part 2

The following is a series on Biblical womanhood that I have taught both here in the states and abroad. It is universal because it is the Biblical model of the helper role and therefore applies to Christian women the world over. It will be delivered in bite-sized pieces in the following weeks. I pray that you will be encouraged as you read. (Please find Part 1 of this series here.)

Whether you are married or unmarried, as a woman you are "helper" to godly male leadership. That would translate into being a helpmeet for your husband or, if you are not married, into being a helper for church leadership. As a helper you will basically fulfill your role in three specific ways. God has designed us, as women with distinct inclinations. Women are endowed by their Creator with specific characteristics that enable them to function as God intended when He first created woman. First of all I want to state what those three characteristics or facets are and then I will define and elaborate on each one throughout the coming weeks:

Facet 1. As helper to male leadership, woman is an aid or supporter: 

A) As an aid woman completes godly male leadership 

B) As an aid woman complements godly male leadership (this post will address this aspect - complementing - being an aid/supporter to godly male leadership) 

C) As an aid woman submits to godly male leadership

Facet 2. As helper to male leadership, woman is a keeper in the home.

Facet 3. As helper to male leadership, woman is a nurturer of life.

In this post, I will cover what it means for woman as helper to aid godly male leadership by complementing that leadership (Facet 1, B).

Though man and woman are equal in that each is an image bearer of their Creator, they are also different, are they not? We can see the obvious physical differences, but women are also different emotionally. For instance, women enjoy the intricate details of whatever it is they are involved in, while men tend to be bottom-line creatures. We, women, know that the real story is in the particulars and their implications and we happily get lost in the finer points.

So when I am relating an important incident to my husband, sharing the details is just second nature to me. Robert then, typically gets a little impatient with all the minutiae (that's how he sees it) and says something like, "Just give me the bottom line, Honey. I don't need to know all the small stuff." Though I don't understand that, I have given up trying to convince him otherwise. He's a man and I just need to accept the fact that God created him to be different than me. And when God finished His creation (man and woman in particular), He pronounced that His design was good, in fact, it was "very good" - even this difference between us. 

The Beauty of Man and Woman as God's Ultimate Creation is Seen in Your Hands

God created the genders, as different as they are, to complement each other. Again we can see this illustrated with the helping hand. My left hand always complements my right hand. It never has an agenda all its own, but always identifies itself with my right hand and what it is doing and supports it. My left-hand makes things easier, not harder for my right hand. It complements its counterpart, and never competes with it.

The appendages on my right and left arms are equal yet different, illustrating the same thing with man and woman. Both are hands, but they are different in significant ways. The physical design of my left hand is exactly and equally the opposite of my right hand. That's equality with diversity, just as woman is equal in her humanity with man, both genders having been created in God’s image, yet woman is exactly the opposite of man in physical and emotional characteristics and in function. Though my hands are exact opposites of each other they fit together perfectly. And the only reason they fit together so perfectly is precisely because they are exact opposites. If I had two right hands or two left hands nothing much would be accomplished and the two certainly could not become one.

Feminists tell us that women must compete to become equal in all ways with men. But God designed the differences between man and woman for the purpose of complementing one another – just like the right and left hand complement each other.

My left hand is physically weaker than my right hand and so is somewhat dependent upon it for its strength, but still my left hand assists my right and adds its own independent strength to my right hand. The strength and independence of my left hand is absolutely needed by my right hand, and visa versa. The two are interdependent upon each other. Together the two are stronger than if they were alone, though one is physically weaker. This is the true nature of a complementary relationship.

And so it is with man and woman. Though she is the weaker vessel, physically, she needs man and he needs her. She is to complement him in all he does rather than pursue her own independent course, that essentially competes with his calling and purpose.

This does not mean that she never seeks a ministry in which her husband is not involved if she is married. It does not mean that she gives up her personality to be glued to her husband's side as if she had no individuality herself. It simply means that whatever God-glorifying thing (this could be planting a garden) her husband pursues, she is available to help him achieve it. She does not make it hard for him. She does not compete.

Think again about how the left hand complements the right hand, never working against it - always there whenever the right-hand needs it, but it is so different and individual that it is called "left". It is situated on the opposite side of the body and if it had to, it could function without the right hand. I got along just fine when I had my right hand in a sling for several weeks. Though it was challenging, it was not impossible. Life went on.

The call to complement my husband has not always been something that I have embraced. There was a time when, if Robert asked for my help and wanted my undivided attention immediately if it was something that I thought could wait, I became perturbed. Perhaps he needed my point of view for a lesson he was preparing for the Sunday morning adult training time that he was scheduled to teach in two weeks. If I was absorbed in doing something for myself, I would expect him to wait until I was finished. Philippians 2:3-5 was not my mindset:

    

Looking out for my husband's interests or the interests of the leadership of the church is part of what it means to be a helper. This is the woman's assignment from her Creator. Helping godly male leadership by working alongside and complementing, never competing, is a high calling that glorifies the Lord Jesus Christ.

Reiterating, woman aids by complementing male leadership, whether that is her husband's leadership in the home or the leadership of the elders in her church. And again, woman aids in this way regardless of her marital status.

For the next post, we will continue to explore how woman aids godly male leadership, this time in regard to submission. And I don't want to hear any groans!

Posted by Sharon Kaufman

Woman is Helper - Three Facets of the Woman's Role as Helper

on October 07, 2008 0 comments

Woman is Helper - Three Facets of the Woman's Role as Helper

Part 1 - Aiding by Completing Godly Male Leadership

The following is a series on Biblical womanhood that I have taught both here in the states and abroad. It is universal because it is the Biblical model of the helper role and therefore applies to Christian women the world over. It will be delivered in bite-sized pieces in the following weeks. I pray that you will be encouraged as you read.

Whether you are married or unmarried, as a woman you are "helper" to godly male leadership. That might translate into being a helper to your husband or, if you are not married, to church leadership.

God has designed us, as women with distinct inclinations. Women are endowed by the Creator with specific characteristics that enable them to function as God intended when He first created woman. As a helper, you will basically fulfill your role in three specific ways. 

First of all I want to state what those three characteristics or aspects are and then I will define and elaborate on each one throughout the coming weeks:

Aspect 1. As helper to godly male leadership, woman is an aid or supporter

A.) As an aid woman completes godly male leadership (this is the topic for this post)

B.) As an aid woman complements godly male leadership

C.) As an aid woman complys with (or submits to) godly male leadership

Aspect 2. As helper to male leadership, woman is a keeper in the home.

Aspect 3. As helper to male leadership, woman is a nurturer of life.

Another way to express these three aspects is: 

1) In her aid to her husband and/or to the church, woman helps and supports man; 

2) In her cultivation of the home woman is helper to man; and 

3) In her nurturing of others, woman is helper to man. 

(Each one of these three aspects operates in several ways, as you will see further along in this post.)

These are the three main aspects of woman as helper, whether she is married or single. The man’s God-given purpose is different and he does not concentrate on these facets of life, though he participates in cultivating the home and in nurturing life also. But he is not driven to do these things as his calling. His calling from God is to lead by protecting, providing and sacrificially loving. These are the areas that he he specializes in and strives for. Woman generally is directed toward helping man by specializing in aiding him, keeping the home and nurturing life.

The first way a woman carries out her role as helper is to serve as an aid or supporter to her husband if she is married, and as an aid or supporter to the church regardless of her marital status. We see this because the same order that God created in marriage, He also created for the church – men lead and women help, including single women. However, single women are undivided (not involved in supporting a husband and/or children) in their service to the church (1 Corinthians 7).

Now it may sound redundant for me to say that women carry out their helper role by being an aid or supporter. That may sound like the same thing to you, but as this is clarified, hopefully, you will see how it is accurate to classify this aspect of the helper role that way.

In this post, we will begin with the helper as an aid and support to her husband and/or to the church.

As an aid, woman supports godly male leadership in three ways. (Remember, there are the three aspects already mentioned - aiding, keeping the home and nurturing life - and each aspect operates in several ways.) The three ways a woman supports godly male leadership as an aid are: 1) she completes male leadership, 2) she complements male leadership, and 3) she submits to male leadership. This is how she aids male leadership. It is true in the home with her husband, if she is married, and in the church also. A woman, whether married or single, carries out this role in the church as she submits to the elders, compliments their leadership and helps to complete the work there.

Reiterating, in this post we will look at the helper as an aid to male leadership in completing godly male leadership; in the next two posts we will look at the helper's aid to male leadership through complementing (second post) and submitting (third post).

But first, let's understand what it means to be an aid. Here is an analogy:

An Analogy of an Aid – You are a Helping Hand

It always helps me to use an analogy when trying to grasp the meaning of a spiritual truth. To better understand the definition and function of an aid or supporter, the analogy of a “helping hand” came to my mind. As an aid we could say that woman is man’s “helping hand”. Please remember this analogy. It could transform the way you relate to male leadership. When I compare woman as aid to a helping hand, I think of how the left hand aid the right hand and how it completes, compliments and submits to it.

Aiding by Completing Male Leadership

My right hand by itself is not complete. It is never as efficient and useful alone as when my left helping hand is assisting. Together, the two hands are one in function and purpose. They are a complete set. Each is the counterpart of the other.

Woman completes man spiritually, physically, emotionally and intellectually: 

Spiritually, she completes him by filling up what is lacking in his ability to image God alone. I will get back to this. 

Physically, she completes him by helping him bear children for God’s glory, by meeting his physical need for intimacy, and by caring for his need for physical nourishment. 

Emotionally, she completes him by offering a softer side to humanity, a tenderness and sensitivity that he does not characteristically possess. This comes out in her passion to nurture people. 

Intellectually, she completes him by her focus to detail, which balances his bottom-line orientation. One way this is manifested is through her attention to the home, intelligently cultivating the place where he lives, looking well to her household and all the details of it.

Adam Recognizes His Incompleteness

Concerning woman completing man, God said during the creation week, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.” Once Adam had named the animals and observed that each one had its own particular counterpart - something Adam himself did not have - he came to know personally that he was incomplete. He was alone and he felt it for the first time.

As Adam named the animals, he recognized that each kind had an appropriate counterpart. They looked very similar, yet each species' counterpart was also different in some ways. There was a male and there was a female of every species that Adam named. I believe since the Lord commanded the animals to "be fruitful and multiply" (Genesis 1:22), that they were already carrying out that mandate quite naturally by the time Adam got around to naming them. And he couldn't help but notice his aloneness as he named each species. 

Adam realized that out of all that God had created, he was an exception because he was the only one of his kind. He was the only created being that there was not two of. He felt this deeply. So, the Lord caused him to sleep while He went about fashioning Adam's counterpart, one that would be like him, yet be different, and essentially one that completed him. 

No Longer Incomplete When God Provided a Wonderful Counterpart

When Eve was brought to Adam, he knew that he now had one that was just like him - she too was mankind. And she was his specific match. She was not created with fangs, feathers, fins or fur. She was made of flesh and bone just like Adam. He exclaimed with great delight, "This is now bone of my bones and flesh of my flesh..." He was now complete. 

And so it has been ever since creation that woman has continued to complete man in specific ways: 

Getting back to the spiritual aspect, Adam was only half of the expression of God and half of God's intended function for mankind on the earth, like a right hand represents only half of the body’s ability to function with the upper appendages. Adam bore God’s image, but only part of it. There was another side of God that would be expressed through Eve’s personhood and function. Together they would bear His image completely. Together they would carry out God’s mandate to rule the earth.

Now what I am not saying here is that every man or woman must be married to be complete. Obviously, the apostle Paul did not believe that for he made it clear that it was his preference to remain single. Even though Paul preferred singleness for himself, God still used women, like Phoebe and Prisca, to help Paul (Romans 16:1-4). He was not himself independent of women aiding him with his work in the early church.

What I am saying is that in the larger scope of mankind bearing God’s image and functioning in creation, both male and female are necessary. The human race cannot even perpetuate without both. And without the softer side of femininity and woman's diverse function, the world cannot accurately image God or carry out His mandate.

Woman bears God’s image in many ways, different than man. God created her with unique attributes that are also part of His character – nurturing for example. She represents Him in this way to her children and others that she attends to in loving ways.

God’s nurturing side is seen in Scripture through the care He bestows on His children. Isaiah 49:15 says, “Can a woman forget her nursing child, and not have compassion on the son of her womb? Surely they may forget, yet I will not forget you.” And in Isaiah 66:13 we hear the Lord saying to Israel, "As one whom his mother comforts, so I will comfort you…” In the New Testament, we are familiar with Paul’s instruction when he tells fathers to bring up their children in the “nurture” and admonition of the Lord.

God fashioned Eve from Adam’s bone and flesh and she completed him. He was thrilled to have what had so obviously been missing from his life. He no longer felt alone and now had new motivation and momentum to be God’s agent on earth. Together they would rule the earth, and together they would bear God’s complete image. Just as my left hand completes my right hand, so woman completes man.

William Shakespeare wrote concerning man and woman completing one another:

      He is half part of a blessed man, left to be finished by such a she; and        she a fair divided excellence, whose fullness of perfection lies in         him. 

In the next Woman is Helper post, we will explore how woman aids man by complimenting him in his leadership role.

Posted by Sharon Kaufman

Woman is Helper - Three Facets of the Woman's Role as Helper

on September 18, 2008 0 comments