An Appropriate Fear - Part Two

If you have not yet read Part One of An Appropriate Fear, please do so. You will find that post here.

The Characteristics of Fear - the What, the How and the Who of it

Who Falls Prey to Inappropriate Fear?

Woman – Prone to Fear
Everyone is susceptible to fear – men and women. But I believe that women are especially prone to fear because we lack obvious control in so many situations. In fact, it is so common a struggle with women that Peter addresses it in 1 Peter 3:5-6, encouraging women to put their hope in God so that they can do what is right without giving into fear. By God’s design, men generally lead in every human establishment: the workplace, the home and the church. That is not to say that all men lead well. Many do not, which can really stir up a woman’s fear.
 
Also, generally speaking, as redeemed women, our role in life is helper, our rule of mind is respect and our responsibility in marriage (and in other places) is submission. Obviously we are not in control, and so, we are often inclined to inappropriate fears. When we lack control, we can either trust God and be confident, or trust ourselves and/or others and be fearful.

But a Woman Who Fears the Lord…
Proverbs 31 tell us about the virtuous wife, “Charm is deceptive and beauty is vain, but a
woman who fears the Lord, she shall be praised.” The description of this woman reveals that she is confident. She fears nothing and no one but God.

But I’ve always wondered why more is not said concerning her relationship to the Lord. While studying this subject of the fear of the Lord, I became aware that embodied in that little phrase, “fears the Lord”, is every aspect of what it means to know and love God. Fearing God involves not only respect for Him, but also love, worship, humility, purity, obedience, service, holiness, complete trust, a passion for Christ’s glory and more. In Scripture there are hundreds of verses that command us to fear God, but only a handful that command us to love Him. I think that is because a healthy fear of God encompasses every aspect of relating to Him rightly, including love. And godly fear is the antidote for inappropriate fear.
       
The Contagion of Inappropriate Fear

This study has truly been an eye opener for me, not only concerning the fear of the Lord, but it has also made me face up to certain fears that I had not been honest about and commit those fears to the Lord. As He is becoming my only valid fear, those inappropriate fears are being banished and no longer ruling me. Heb. 13:6 says, “So that we may boldly say, The Lord is my helper, and I will not fear what man shall do unto me.”

There are many common fears that most of us have all shared: fear of the dark, fear of heights, fear of flying, fear of the "boogie man" and many more. But I was shocked when I went onto a website called The Phobia List, where I found an alphabetized list of hundreds of supposedly valid, yet inappropriate “phobias”.

Anything and everything goes when it comes to phobias. Some that I found online are: Chronomentrophobia – the fear of clocks; Philemaphobia – the fear of kissing (that’s one that parents hope that their adolescent children have). There is Geniophobia – the fear of chins (when I read this list to my mom she said, “Oh, that’s the one I have – the fear of having double and triple chins"). PoGonophobia is the fear of beards, Amnesiphobi – the fear of amnesia (the cure for this one is amnesia, because you’d totally forget that you had it), Judeophobia – the fear of Jews. I’m sure some of your husbands have Pentheraphobia – the fear of their mother-in-law; there’s Pteronophobia – the fear of being tickled by feathers and Neophobia – the fear of anything new. With this fear you’d never go shopping. That would make some of our husbands very happy men. The fear most children have is not actually a fear of the dark but La-chan-o-phobia – the fear of vegetables.

Former President Franklin D. Roosevelt said that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself, in which case you would have phobia-phobia, which might not be quite as bad as Panophobia, which is the fear of everything, including phobia-phobia.

But the one phobia I am most thankful that I do not have, is a combo-phobia of some of the ones I just mentioned: “Philema-Judeo-PoGonophobia, which is a fear of kissing bearded Jews. (In case you haven't guessed, my husband, Robert, is Jewish, though he is a Christian, and he has a beard.)

But seriously, fear is running rampant and at a contagion level. So many people are imprisoned by their phobias. Could that be because we were created to fear? Fear is built into the heart of man by God. We were created to fear Him, but instead, man fears everyone and everything but God.

The Consequences of Inappropriate Fear

Inappropriate Fear Forgets God and Fuels Disrespect

As wives, when we trust ourselves in this area of control and do not fear God, we can not show respect for our husbands (or parent, church leader or employer). That is because inappropriate fear lets go of Godly fear, forgets God and fuels disrespect. Isaiah 57:11 says, “Of whom were you worried and fearful when you lied, and did not remember Me nor give Me a thought? Is it because I have not corrected you that you have no fear of me?”

Or how about Isaiah 51:12-16 concerning the fear of man, "I, even I, am he who comforts you. Who are you that you fear mortal men, the sons of men, who are but grass, that you forget the LORD your Maker, who stretched out the heavens and laid the foundations of the earth, that you live in constant terror every day because of the wrath of the oppressor, who is bent on destruction?" 

Can you see the progression in the first verse? Initially, worry and inappropriate fear are allowed to rule in the heart. Though this seems harmless enough, the resulting sin of lying is carried out. In the midst of this progression it is obvious that God has been forgotten. He is not at all considered. And the crux of it all is that there was no fear of God from the beginning. Inappropriate fear always crowds God out and looks to self for the answer. It forgets God and fuels disrespect.

The second verse brings to light the reality that fearing man begets even more fear, "...you live in constant terror every day..." On the contrary, fearing God is a comforting thing. He comforts us when we will but seek Him in the midst of the fear and confess to Him our weakness of being terrified of puny man.

Has this been your experience when you fear man or any other created thing? 

For the third part of this series, several examples will be sited from Scripture as well as one contemporary example. We will also see how disrespect manifests itself in marriage. 

Posted by Sharon Kaufman

An Appropriate Fear - Part Two

on August 25, 2010 1 comments

His Choice

His Choice

Would I have chosen Him who died,

The One whom sinners crucified?

The One who gave His life to free

Insurgent, rebel, enemy?

My choice would ne’er have been for Him.

My sin is what I loved, so grim;

My sin that put Him on the tree.

A foe I was, a foe I’d be,

Had He not come to rescue me

I would have chose to scorn His Name,

To persecute, condemn and blame

The perfect Lamb, the Savior Dear,

Had not the Shepherd made me hear

His call to come and hasten near.

Like sinking ship, the waters swirled
Engulfed in sin that tossed and hurled;
I chose the doom and dark of night.
But from the rocks there shone a Light,
And Jesus drew me from my plight.

Oh! Love divine, all loves excelling,

Such grace that drew was all-compelling.

He opened eyes that would not see,

Awestruck, I fell and bowed my knee.

The choice was His, it was not mine

He freed me - I from sin resign.

Eternally I am His choice,

I’m kept by Him, and I rejoice!

For He has set me free to love,

Now I adore the Lord above

Who gave His life for my poor soul,

And was abased to make me whole.

Now that He has elected me,

And shown me grace beyond degree,

Oh, may I ne’er again caress

A minor treasure – all is less,

Less than the prize I find in Him,

Whose glory lights the seraphim.

So ask me now – I’ll ne’er refuse

The Savior Dear – it’s Him I choose.

I love this One who by design

Has called my name – I’m His, He’s mine!

SKK

Posted by Sharon Kaufman

His Choice

on August 22, 2010 2 comments

An Appropriate Fear - Part One

Starting today and continuing on for the next few weeks, we will be looking at the subject of fear, specifically the fear of the Lord, which, as we will see, is the only appropriate fear for the Christian. Discovering God's majestic, fearsome, yet gracious and loving character is the key to godly fear. This series will also make evident that godly fear is the prerequisite for respecting earthly authorities, such as parents, husband, employer and church leaders. 

My prayer is that we will all take away a better understanding of and a commitment to fearing God that will motivate personal love for and joyful obedience to Him, which in turn will assist in banishing inappropriate fears (of things created) and respecting earthly authorities.

First, let's start with some definitions of various forms of fear:

Comprehending the Meaning of Three Types of Fear

“The fear of the Lord” (an appropriate or godly fear) – the joyful and fearful esteeming of who God is in all of His perfections and for all of His purposes. This is the only appropriate fear. 

“A godly fear of my earthly authority” – to properly esteem my earthly authority as God’s head over me.
 

“An inappropriate fear” (or ungodly fear) – to fear anything created either by God (heights, darkness, natural disasters, people, etc.) or by you (financial problems, results of sin, etc.).  

Right now, can you think of an "inappropriate fear that you have had in the past or are currently struggling with? Keep that in mind as we tackle this difficult subject.

The Choicest Treasure – An Appropriate, Godly Fear

We read in Isaiah 33:6, “And He will be the stability of your times, a wealth of salvation, wisdom and knowledge; the fear of the LORD is your treasure.” The fear of the Lord is a treasure He gives to His child. It is one of the choice jewels that He bestows on His beloved ones. It is a rarity of heaven. All men and angels, who live before the throne of God in heaven, bow in reverence and godly fear of Him. And we, here below, rightly honor Him when we fear Him as do the angels and the saints who have gone before us, who are now in His presence.

Godly fear is a treasure from the Lord for it is found only in a few hearts among mortal men. For most men and women, “…there is no fear of God before their eyes.” (Romans 3:18). Most men are utterly destitute of this wondrous jewel – the fear of the Lord.

Of six billion people now on the planet, perhaps one in a thousand has this precious token of His love. They may have God’s sun to warm them, His rain to quench their thirst and the harvest to satiate their hunger. But these are mere scraps and fragments, like cast-off rags and worn-out shoes compared to that choice treasure that He reserves for His child and heir – the treasure of godly fear. It is only bestowed on His elect, the children of promise. All others are destitute of it, and so continue on their way to death and judgment.

Job had this fear and the Lord said of Him, “There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil." (Job 1:8) If you have been granted this eternal gift, you also are unlike most others on the face of the earth. And if that is the case, it is expedient that you understand just what the fear of the Lord is and why it is so priceless a treasure. That is what we want to try to accomplish in the next few weeks.

The Characteristics of Fear – the What and the How of it

What is Fear Really All About?
Why do we fear and what is fear based on? If you met a lion in the street, your might die of fright before he could touch you. Why is that? Isn’t that because you lack control and can do nothing to prevent the lion from attacking you? Yet, if you see a caged lion, your fear is tempered, because the lion is controlled. You’re still afraid of the beast. Obviously, you would never try to pet it. But though you have a healthy respect for the caged lion, you can also enjoy it because the iron bars moderate your fear and allow you to come near. So fear is really all about a lack of control.

Inappropriate Fear = False Evidence Appearing Real

Fear of created things is all about a lack of control and it is crippling. Fear can be so subtle and obscure that we live with it and make daily decisions based on it, or fear can be blaring and obvious. But it is always inappropriate for it is based on the falsehood that no one is in control, not I or anyone else, not even God – and, that in fact, everything is out of control. A great acronym and easy way to remember the basis for inappropriate fear is False Evidence Appearing Real.

Inappropriate fear nearly always focuses on what is not real, but it takes over our minds as if it were real. It projects terror into the future with its lies and leaves me paralyzed in doing what is right. It leaves me alone to my futile imagination to vainly speculate the solution to and outcome of my struggle. This fuels greater fear and leads to further vain speculations. The solution that I devise will be a fleshly plan that produces the outcome that I think will benefit me, putting me on the throne. But that solution will not glorify God and most certainly will not produce any lasting good in my life (though God graciously uses even our presumptuous sins for our good and His glory).

For the Christian, inappropriate fear is always motivated by Satan in order to get me to act independently of God, which is sin. This is how the evil one moved on Eve to take what belonged to God, the only thing that was forbidden to her.

Fear of created things always cripples and damages. It damages God’s name and His good purpose for me. That is not to say that God can not bring good out of such a situation. He can and will for His child who has returned to loving Him and fulfilling His purposes.

How is Appropriate Fear Different than Inappropriate Fear?

Appropriate Fear = Facing Every Anxiety Realistically

Godly fear is about a lack of control also. But it is different, because, though it acknowledges the reality that I am in control of absolutely nothing, I am confident that nothing is out of control, but that all is under God’s sovereign and gracious rule.

Godly fear never leaves me to myself. Rather it always leads me back to the God who loves me, to "the rock that is higher than I" (Psalm 61:2-4), and to His precious promises which quiet my trembling heart and give me hope. Promises like Isaiah 41:10, “Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not anxiously look about you for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you, surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.”

This appropriate fear enables me to face every anxiety realistically for it focuses on God’s gracious character and His precious word – like the reality found in Philippians 4:6-8. “The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brethren, whatever things are true…meditate on these things.”

"Whatever things are true...meditate on these things." This counsel from God's word alone stands out against all my unfounded, unrealistic fears. Think on what is true! Is it not true that the great I Am God is with me? Is it not true that He is in control – nothing is out of control? Is it not true that He loves me and is working for my good, to conform me to Christ? And is it not true that my gracious God will keep His promise when I turn to Him, to strengthen my anxious heart with His glorious peace - right in the midst of the very storm that has tossed my thoughts about like snow in a blizzard?

Reiterating, godly, appropriate fear is a treasure from the Lord to His children. Godly fear is healthy, empowering and appropriate. It brings great comfort and joy. When I fear God appropriately, I can rest, fearless of any situation, any enemy, or any failure for I know that this great God, who is in control, is for me and is never against me. He loves me and because I fear Him alone, He will work my situation for His glory and my good.

In Part Two of "An Appropriate Fear", We Will Consider the "Who" of it
In Part Two of An Appropriate Fear, we will look at "who" falls prey to inappropriate fear and the contagion of it, especially in our world today.

Note: Although this topic of fear applies to all women, I will be dealing with it in relation to marriage and the wife’s respect for her husband. But please apply it to your own situation. Whether you submit to a husband, parents, the church elders, or an employer, the principle is still the same. One of the situations in my own life in which I experienced a great deal of fear was when I was a single mother. The truths we will look at in this series are what freed me from those fears. I’ll share more about that later in this series.

Posted by Sharon Kaufman

An Appropriate Fear - Part One

on August 17, 2010 2 comments

A Smorgasbord of Timeless Truths

Not having to reinvent the wheel all the time can be such a liberating concept. Some things have been said (written) so well that it really isn't necessary to write anew about them. Recently I've come across some very good articles on other blogs. I couldn't have said these things better if I tried. Please take some time to feast - to be reminded, encouraged and challenged by the following smorgasbord of timeless truths:

Growing in Gratitude: A 30 Day Challenge (this is a printable download, intended to cultivate a more grateful heart over a period of 30 days) 

The Marriage Bed (a biblical guide to sexual intimacy - a helpful excerpt)

A Shout Out to Moms Everywhere (a great article to encourage moms in their calling)

Seven Ways Parents Unfairly Provoke Their Children by Tim Challies. This article is quite an eye-opener and very helpful for examining yourself as a father or mother who strives to be more like the very best parent - our Heavenly Father.

Finally, a wonderfully encouraging video from John Piper about the Holy Spirit's ministry of interceding for us when we're weak.

 

Posted by Sharon Kaufman

A Smorgasbord of Timeless Truths

on August 10, 2010 2 comments

The Rock Beneath the Mist

There is nothing, indeed, which God will not do for a man who dares to step out upon what seems to be mist; though as he puts down his foot he finds a rock beneath him. F. B. Meyer

The ROCK Beneath the Mist

When your love for God is put to test

And you fear the thing required, 

Look child to His promises, 

Believe Him in the fire.

Like Abraham with Issac,

When his hand had grasped the knife,

To put to death his only son

Through whom God promised life.

That father's faith held tighter to,

God's long and promised truth

That like the stars of heaven

His offspring would take root.

But now that promise seemed to die

With Issac's life required;

Though Abraham obeyed God's voice

He wondered all the while...

"Will God raise up to life again

The son of promise dear?

He cannot lie, His promise stands,

Believe and do not fear.

His son was spared, God stopped the knife,

That patriarch's faith made clear:

His love for God supreme above

All other loves so dear.

On faith he stepped, believing God

Though it seemed he stepped on vapor.

And there he found beneath that mist

A ROCK that never wavers.

So saint take heart when God requires

Your love be put to test.

You'll find when you step out on faith,

The ROCK beneath the mist.

Copyright 2010 Sharon Kaufman

Posted by Sharon Kaufman

The Rock Beneath the Mist

on July 16, 2010 0 comments

A Cloud of Witnesses - Daughters of the King: Eliza Spurgeon

A cloud of witnesses:
Mini-glimpses of Godly women as helpers
A while back I had a thought to compile a collection of mini-biographies of Christian mothers whose lives might inspire us to live godly in this present age, provide wisdom for relating to our children whether grown or still at home, and motivate us to pray for our children whether saved or not. That list, I can see now, is going to take awhile to compose. Originally, I wanted a list of women that would span the alphabet from A to Z. That might happen, but if it does, it will not be intentional.

As I thought this through I decided that the biographical collection should not only be of godly mothers. Rather, it should be a larger cloud of witnesses that included any and all of the divinely created helper functions godly women have historically fulfilled. Hence the title of this post and others to come, A Cloud of Witnesses - Daughters of the King. This collection will include women as helpers: wives and mothers, women as workers in the church whether single, widowed or married, and women ministering through mission work at home and abroad, again whether single, widowed or married, etc. The posts featuring such women will be but little glimpses, just enough information to whet the appetite to delve deeper into their characters, if desired.

Though this compilation of biographies is a goal for me, I will not actively seek it out. As I go about reading various books it will come together. Such is how the first glimpse of Eliza Spurgeon came about:

Eliza Spurgeon, mother of C. H. Spurgeon
Eliza Spurgeon, mother of Charles Haddon Spurgeon, will occupy the honor of being the first godly woman featured for this ongoing compilation. Most of the following information concerning Eliza is penned by her son, Charles, in his autobiography. Any other sources will be noted.

Eliza's son James said of her, "She was the starting point of all the greatness any of us, by the grace of God, have ever enjoyed." Both James and Charles were most thankfully indebted to their mother who devoted herself to praying for and actively pursuing the salvation and spiritual welfare of her eight children. (Seventeen children were born to John and Eliza Spurgeon. Of these seventeen, only eight lived past infancy.)

Charles gratefully wrote, "I cannot tell how much I owe the solemn words of my good mother...I remember on one occasion her praying thus: 'Now, Lord, if my children go on in their sins, it will not be from ignorance that they perish, and my soul must bear a swift witness against them at the day of judgment if they lay not hold of Christ.' That thought of my mother's bearing a swift witness against me pierced my conscience...How can I forget when she bowed her knee, and with her arms about my neck, prayed, 'Oh that my son might live before Thee!' "

In another excerpt from his autobiography, Charles wrote in the third person about himself and his siblings as young children in the Spurgeon home: "As the children were growing up, the father, like many professional and public men, feared his frequent absence from home would interfere with the religious education of the little ones. But happily for him he had a true help-meet to cooperate with him in this important work, and happily for those children they had a noble mother who lived for them, and sought to build them up in true Christian character. Nor has she lived unrewarded for her pains. Oh, that all mothers learned the lesson well! Hear the good man speak thus of his wife:

'I had been [away] from home a great deal, trying to build up weak congregations, and felt that I was neglecting the religious training of my own children while I was toiling for the good of others. I returned home with these feelings. I opened the door and was surprised to find none of the children about the hall. Going quietly upstairs, I heard my wife's voice. She was engaged in prayer with the children; I heard her pray for them one by one by name. She came to Charles, and specially prayed for him, for he was of high spirit and daring temper. I listened till she had ended her prayer, and I felt and said, 'Lord, I will go on with Thy work. The children will be cared for.' "

Finally, Charles awarded his mother great honor when he said of her, "Mrs. John Spurgeon...has been known and esteemed for her sincere piety, her great usefulness and humility... The prayerful solicitude with which she trained her children has been rewarded by each one of them making a public profession of their faith in Christ. Two of her sons occupy foremost places in the metropolis as preachers of the gospel; and one of her daughters, the wife of a minister...assists her husband in the preparation of his sermons.."

What can we learn from Eliza?

As I discovered Eliza Spurgeon in the pages of Spurgeon - A New Biography by Arnold Dallimore, I marveled at her dedication to her calling to be both a helper to her husband, John, himself a preacher of the gospel, and an advocate for her children. It was, in fact, her advocacy for her children that reveals her husband's great confidence in her as his helpmate. Because she willingly carried the burden of her children's salvation before the Lord, her husband was freed up spiritually, physically and emotionally to do the work God called him to do.

Her devotion to the children, however, was tempered by her supreme love and commitment to her King, seen by her willingness to "bear a swift witness against them" if they rejected Christ as their Lord and Savior.  Of course, her prayer, as stated above was an earnest, heartfelt plea to her Heavenly Father that such a calamity would never happen.

Kingdom praying
Could you pray thus for your children? I never did for my own children and thinking back, know I could not have. They occupied too high a place in my heart, sadly a place higher than Christ. I spoke often to them of the Savior, but in that speaking I was overly confident in my own ability to turn them toward Him. My method of training my children was everything to me and I reasoned that because of my commitment to that method, God was obliged to do His part in saving them.

Because of my self-confidence, I lacked the finely tuned spiritual eyesight that Eliza Spurgeon had. Though I spoke often to my children about Christ, I spoke infrequently to Christ and my Heavenly Father about my children. And when I did it was without the desperation and fervency that characterized Eliza's praying. I preached far too much and prayed far too little.

Thankfully, God showed me my sin, but not without cost for the willful independence that characterized me during that time. From that day of freedom and grace to this, I pray for my grown children the way Eliza prayed for her youngsters:

With supreme love for Christ - I pray as Eliza did, with my priorities as they should be for one who follows Christ. He is my first and foremost Love. Though my children no longer occupy that place in my heart, it is for this very reason that my love for them is deeper, more powerful and more demonstrative than when they were small. It is my love for Christ and His love for me that continues to put me before the throne of His grace on their behalf. It is His very love in me that empowers me to pray thus.

In humility of mind - I pray with Eliza's humility, knowing that it is the Spirit of God alone who can journey into the regions of the heart and create Light where there is darkness.

With confidence - I pray with Eliza's confidence, knowing that God is kindly disposed to do such work and, in fact, salvation is the very work He desires to do above all else, the work that cost His Son's blood on the Cross.

In surrender to God's will - I pray in total surrender to God's will and to His Kingdom, as did Eliza, knowing that He is not obligated to do my will, the things I would like to see Him do. Though I know this is true, I also know that my Father delights in giving His children good gifts. I also know that when I pray according to His will He hears and gives what is requested. And one more thing I know to be true, it is His will to save sinners. So that is how I pray.

In desperation - I pray in desperation, as did Eliza, knowing that should my children continue in their choice to be self-governing the calamitous day will come when there will be witness born against them before their Judge. Therefore, I pray fervently, as one desperate for His grace for them.

An Extraordinary Challenge
Living each day, doing the same mundane things over and over again and failing often at what God puts before us, causes us, at times, to wonder how we could ever be an encouragement to others, let alone leave a legacy of love for Christ. Though this is how we live our lives, God uses the mundane to bring about His eternal purposes. He uses our failings to break anew His grace and mercy to us. As a result we come to walk humbly before Him and His grace always has the last say.

Eliza Spurgeon’s life was really is no different than ours. She had to learn to walk by faith in God’s grace and mercy just like we do. She served the same God we offer ourselves to, was indwelt by the same Spirit we own and loved the same Savior we now adore.

It is Christ’s life lived out through us that transforms our anthology of ordinary days into an extraordinary and eternal legacy of love worthy to pass onto other women, some of which will be our own daughters. May I challenge you to pursue the ordinary made extraordinary?

My prayer for these posts

As these mini-biographies unfold, I am praying that God will use them as a cloud of witnesses for our equipping to live out our days as apt helpers in His Kingdom. If there is any woman in particular that you would like to see featured, please email me with your idea.

Posted by Sharon Kaufman

A Cloud of Witnesses - Daughters of the King: Eliza Spurgeon

on July 14, 2010 2 comments